Figuring stuff out
Well, all I have been doing the last few days is setting with my journal and writing a whole lot of nothing. And making lists of stuff. I've made so many lists, changed them and added to them. Scribbled stuff off them. And finally gave that up to turn to the next blank page where I proceeded to..............start another list.
I've been thinking more lately about how I am too hard on myself sometimes. Some people would actually say all the time. But i'm finally getting the thought past all my inner demons and voices in my head so that I can actually see it myself. I don't know why I seem to do that. The last few days I have been up, down, tired, not quite mad, and wondering about things.
I have been happy lately, more so than I have been in a long time. But last weekend I was not so happy because I wasn't sure about some thoughts that were going through my head, and also when I would see a special friend again. But I did get to see her and talk to her so I was happy again. And now I am back to being bored and thinking about myself. And of more lists. Oh joy.
My imagination has been shut down temporarily due to technical issues lately. Mainly because of all the other stuff in my head. I have been telling myself I want to draw more, and write more........just haven't actually done it yet. I am sometimes afraid of letting my imagination free, just because of some of the thoughts I have throughout the day.
And I do sometimes finding myself not really working on something I want to finish just because of wondering what people might actually think about it. Or at least thats what my inner demons tell me. I read something somewhere about how an artist should not worry about what people think of his work, as long as he is happy with it. At least i think thats what it said. And I usually don't really worry too much at all of what most other people think. But, there are a few people though, that I know here and some I met online, whose opinions I value. And its always good to hear what they have to say, whether its good or bad.
Shaggy
posted by shaggy @ 7:59 AM
4 comments
4 Comments:
First of all, I know I don't know you very well, but from what I have read from you I think you are a little hard on yourself. I may be way off base here but you seem depressed alot of the time too. Maybe you need something to do that will make you happy? Second, if there is something ie..art, writing that you are stalling on finishing cause you are afraid what people will think once it is done...Do it anyway! To hell what other people think. Do what makes you happy. If your drawing or writing is "outthere" or strange to some people then they just don't get it and thats ok. Do it for you. Let the real you out, that's ok to do you know. You might be surprised that some people like the real you.
Thanks Mary. I don't really think of myself as being depressed......just really bored all the time. I do manage to feel down once in a while, as I was last weekend, but that thought has passed and all is well. I just got a request for a drawing for christmas for my best friend's mother, so I am trying to come up with an idea for that. I'm working on happy, but what will make me the happiest will take a while to get.......but thats all I can say about that. Sometimes I let my real self go and I end up scaring people.......but thats okay. I enjoy that. I wrote a letter to a friend the other day and I signed it "death by plastic spoon." I've been reading back through my magazines on writing lately, so I can get back to putting my words in the right order that i want them to be in. And I am trying to spend more time at the drawing table too.
Well, being bored can have it's draw backs too. I hope you can find things that make it so you aren't as bored. I have alot of hobbies and it keeps me busy, My pets keep me really busy. lol I ahve to clean out cages, I take them all out every day and spend time with each one of them but they all ahve different sleep patterns so I have to wait until they get up and want to come out to play, then there's the old one who likes to be held while she is eating..lol I made a bunch of christmas crafts, that kept me busy. I made some mini Christmas tree's out of small planters and painted pine cones. they are cute. You need more hobbies that will keep you occupied so you won't be so bored, maybe? Or just get more into the things you like to do like drawing and writing. Don't worry if you scare people...lol I scare people all the time...they eventually get over it. lol
I've thought about other things to do, but can't really afford to get into much right now. So, i'm trying to get more writing and drawing done and did manage to get a couple things accomplished. And a few other things figured out.
So, some things are getting better. And other things are going well, thanks to my.....um........friend. Can't go into any details on that point right now, its kind of.......uh.....complicated. Yeah, thats the word i'm looking for.
Anyway, just wanted to say thanks again for commenting on this, Mary. Out of all the people I sent this too, and places I posted this, you are the only one that made any kind of comment on it.
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